Memories

"You can take back your memories, they're no good to me." -All American Rejects

I'm sufficiently intoxicated tonight, so it's time for a blog post.  I had a random thought earlier...  I was thinking about my grandpa and how sad it must be to have Alzheimers and to know that something is happening to your mind that you can't control.  He tries to recall memories, but he just can't do it.  I was relating that with my trying to learn Japanese and becoming annoyed with how difficult it was to not be able to remember what I've learned.  How awesome would it be if we as humans could remember everything we've ever experienced.  If we heard a word in Japanese, we could remember a word in Japanese.  None of this repetition nonsense...  no having something on the tip of your tongue, only to forget at the last second.  No forgetting who your grandson is, no matter how temporary...

But then I realized...  a world in which we could never forget would be a special kind of hell.   In a way, I hate that I can't remember some things better.  I love pictures for that reason.  I've always described pictures as our way of preserving ourselves against loss.  It's a way of keeping our memories for when that person or circumstance is no longer around.  So I take my pictures and I look back through them and remember the good times.  But if I could remember each and every good time in painstaking detail, reliving each moment with perfect clarity.. I don't know that I could stand it.  I miss the good times, and I'd give anything to be able to relive those moments with the knowledge that I have now.  I'd make such better use of them.  But the experiences have faded, and without that, I'd spend every waking moment in vivid remembrance of the good times.  That's what I'm doing now, to the extent that I can.

So while it would be good to have a fast track to learning a new language, I'm not sure that it would be a good thing in the end.  Regardless, alcohol works wonders for forgetting that you're alive, at least for a little while.